The full moon earlier this week kicked my ass a little, the potent last showing before the spring equinox brought with it an awareness of where I may be able to grow more with the flow into my “TRUE SELF.”
I noticed a slight resistance to growing with the flow as I reflected on this area of my life that is being shown to me, meaning essentially, it’s ready to be healed at a deeper level.
Moving through this, I set my ego aside, let the vulnerable, scared part have a voice, and opened up a can of worms. That may be why this full moon is called the Worm Full Moon, lol!
If I mention this “part,” I may as well be genuinely transparent with you (heart racing and starting to sweat). Here it is – It is the part of me that feels unworthy. There it is. It’s out there; I can’t take it back.
This unworthy part of me is connected to my conditioned self. What I mean by that is part of my personality that was created through survival strategies I adapted to early on in life and then became who I thought I was.
Well, that felt awkward. Let me catch my breath for a minute (deep in through the nose and out of the mouth. This may take more than a minute). Okay, I feel like I can continue.
What now? I ask myself, how does this part show up in my life? In this iteration (yes, I’ve worked with this part in the past, she is a familiar gal), she showed up upset and angry – these are the protectors of this part. They show up and give me a heads-up that something is off.
I know this because I pay attention to these EMOTIONS. They are the flares that go up when I feel out of alignment with my TRUE SELF, the fluid part of me that feels worthy and whole unrestricted by past conditioning.
Emotions and strong reactions (triggers) signal an opportunity to inquire with my inner wisdom compassionately and ask what are you here to teach me?
The answer that came to me in this lesson was: be clear and voice precisely what I want!
Voicing my desires and expectations allows this unworthy part to be seen and heard and met with love and compassion, which is genuinely what this part needs.
Yes, this may come with disappointment if I am not met, yet I will be honoring my true self, which always leads to growth and flow. The alternative is allowing the conditioned wounded self to continue running the show; from that place, disappointment is likely and growth unlikely. Classic risk reward.
So this full moon release was about releasing my grip on the conditioned self who keeps me stuck in the loop of “I’m not worthy,” so I don’t ask for exactly what I want, and then get angry and upset because I get disappointed.” Untangling the emotional knot feels liberating and allows space for nurturing the true self by giving it a voice and the potential to be met with love and grace.
Full disclosure I learned this practice in my certification and then continued to study the body of work called “Internal Family Systems” by Dick Schwartz.
It’s a beautiful method for working through stuck emotions and limiting beliefs. It’s helped me in many struggles over the years, and sometimes I seek outside counsel from my coach. It helps to be witnessed and have a loving space held while working with parts.
Let me know if you feel like you want to take a deeper dive into your conditioned behavior and untangle your emotional knots. I invite you to schedule a free flow session with me today!
Let Love Flow,
Bobbi