Have you ever done a trust fall??
Several years ago, a workshop literally and figuratively changed my life forever. I stood at a table with women I had never met before, TRUSTING them to catch me…
And as they say, the rest is history. Seriously what does that even mean? I digress, lol!
For me, it was a monumental, life-altering experience that I can’t forget.
As I fell into the waiting arms of these strangers, I had a visceral reaction to my past relationship and inability to trust. Tears streamed down my face. In that split second, as my feet left the secure surface, it took courage, faith, and full-on trust to surrender my connection with the known into the unknown, believing that the compassion of others would meet me with the strength to catch me.
Holy Crap, it was liberating!
It’s wild to think that was more than 15 years ago, and I’d love to tell you that the lesson landed, and I emerged fully embodying TRUST…NOT exactly!
My celebrations were short-lived because I would surely suffer a setback to offset the progress made… this played out on repeat as I worked towards a healthier body, changed careers, and sought meaningful relationships. Not yet embodied in trust, I was “always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
The embodiment of trust doesn’t just happen in time. It requires presence, awareness, commitment, and courage to implement boundaries. I had to sincerely consider where I placed my attention and evaluate what I have collected as evidence over time of “why” I am not trustworthy.
I was dismantling all the evidence I compiled over a lifetime of breaking promises to myself, falling short on commitments, and rebounding to default coping strategies has been “work.”
The beauty in this process was that I realized I didn’t have to walk this path alone. Until that moment, I felt I needed to be super self-reliant and that I was the sole cause of every effect in my life.
In this process, I’ve had mentors, coaches, teachers, peers, and plenty of opportunities to test my strength and courage.
It took more than a leap into the arms of strangers, and quite honestly, in moments when I feel under-resourced or malnourished in love, I can sense a presence of a lack of trust creeping back into my awareness.
And when I notice this instability, I get curious, check in with my inner knowing (intuition), and revisit my boundaries to secure my sense of innate trust with love and compassion. I recognize I am not being tested but strengthened by the FLOW OF LIFE.
Let love flow!
Bobbi