I have to start with a question here…
- Why is it so hard to ask for what we need?
- Taking it one level deeper, am I even aware of what I need?
- Why am I so f’n needy in the first damn place???
Well, that escalated quickly, didn’t it? Lol!!
Seriously though . . I’ve been working with this concept lately and dialing in the clarity around how denying needs creates resentment. Resentment breeds disharmony, and then disharmony sits between our emotional, logical, and intuitive bodies keeping us stuck in a pattern. I have no idea what I want/need; therefore, I feel stuck and frustrated with my life.
So we keep pushing, grinding, working harder and harder to “find” what makes us happy in the external world, draining our energy and reinforcing unhealthy patterns in our lives.
What am I talking about here?
If you’ve ever been told “get over it,” “suck it up, buttercup,” or “Things could be worse” (get my drift), then you know are with me.
Let’s connect the dots.
Glossing over the emotional sensations and denying their relevance in any circumstance at a young age, not allowing the cycle of healthy inclusion and release, creates stuck emotional energy in the body that we go back to as evidence that our needs don’t matter.
And since we are super capable human beings, we establish survival strategies to push through, and these little beauties (unmet emotional needs) are where we lead from in our lives when we get “triggered or activated”.
Don’t get me wrong here. It’s not by any stretch of the imagination that I feel like opening the Dorothy Hamill doll on Christmas morning to find it broken left me scarred for life.
Well, actually, it did, but the scar is not physical. It is emotional, and it runs deep. As a matter of fact, it has underscored the difficulty in relationships and careers over the years.
Hey, I get it. My mother had five children in 8 years. She didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to coddle me over a broken doll. Which seems rational to my evolved woman self,
but my seven-year-old self has been carrying that shit around and took it super seriously to the tune of creating stories that say things like…
My needs don’t matter, and I am not worthy of making the extra effort to replace or return the doll.
These messages persisted as I sucked it up repeatedly in those early years of development.
The good news is that we “get to” reparent ourselves and establish emotional responsibility. We can heal these patterns and rewrite our stories.
Gracefully we can incorporate all the “parts” of us and Grow with the Flow of life.
It may not be easy, but it will be beautiful.
Let Love Flow,
Bobbi